her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
