We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
