In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
