whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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