everyone is single if you try hard enough
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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