Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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