i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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