We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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