No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
