You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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