i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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