I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I smell like Dick and happiness
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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