Just fell off a train. Bad.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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