it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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