my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
