Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
