Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Let's get the cat blown out
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
