She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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