You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
