Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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