They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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