from now on my penis is your penis
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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