pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
