thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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