dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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