Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
