Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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