i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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