Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
