Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
