The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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