i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
