i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Let's get the cat blown out
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize