man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
