She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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