i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
