wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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