Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
