I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
whose ass print is on the piano?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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