I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I have feelings that need drinking.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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