how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Of course I have a pirate flag
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize