Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
