my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
