perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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