yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
