So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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