you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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