Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize