I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
