I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
