worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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