I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
