remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
