Can i not drive my cunt home
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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