We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
