I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
