so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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