if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
