He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
