I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
they're like a gay fantastic four
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
