Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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