For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
