where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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