she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
