Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
