So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
