Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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