My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
